Today I was reading Heather McClee's blog post on The Soulful Spoon.  She and I are so very similar in our experiences with digestive disorders, eating disorders, etc. that whenever I read one of her posts I feel like it is I that could have written it.  Funny and ironic that we are both Heathers and that we both live in South Carolina--yet never met. 

Anyway today she admitted that her eating disorder--ED--had recently been knocking at her back door trying to get in and infest her house.  In other words trying to lure himself into her mind and indoctrinate her with evil untruths.  Her post couldn't have been more timely.  I thought it interesting that whenever I read someone referring to EDs I automatically read it as eating disorders.  That is in fact to what the person using the acronym is referring, however, today is the first time I read it as someone's name: Ed.  It's like today I put a face on it.  Ed has been living with me for far too long.  He has been trying to tell me what to eat, when to eat, how much or little to eat, etc.  His name stands for eating disorder, exercise disorder, and evil doer.  Do you see the amazingness of his name?  He has been with me, in me, and around me my whole life.  Yet, until today I only equated my problems to a disease.  Somehow, in my mind, heart, and spirit, reading ED as Ed and putting a face and personality on him changes things completely.  To hell with Ed!  I don't need nor want someone else telling me how to live based on lies and deceit.  God alone should be in control of that.  He is the truth.  He wants my best.  He does not force Himself in like Ed.  He waits to be invited.  He is gentle, kind, gracious, merciful, ever loving, compassionate, understanding, forgiving, everything I want and need and nothing that I don't.  He will heal and bring peace.  All Ed does is force his way in, rape me of everything--who I am and want to be.  Ed has brainwashed me into believing I deserve his abuse, his brutality, his pain, his sadness, his mutilation.  He has made me constantly live and expect the worst in life.  Ed has convinced me that I will always be unhappy and that when I feel happy I must soon expect to feel sad and depressed again because I deserve it.  Well, Ed, I deserve better than you and I don't feel, won't feel guilty about feeling this way.  I am God's child not yours.  God made me and deserves my best.  I will honor God--not you Ed.  So Ed, the door is locked.  God is my security system.  He is my guard.  He will not let you in.  Turn around Ed.  Slink off into the darkness from which you came and die the brutal death YOU deserve.  You have brought too much pain to the world--to me and to others.  You Ed are Ever Done!  Ended!  Dead!